A short newsletter this month! Really, more of a quick note as I wind down my last week of work, and prepare to welcome a kiddo into the world next week. I can’t believe how casual that sounds, because internally I am mildly freaking out.
Of course, I’ve felt an absolute flurry of emotions around all these impending changes, and while hormones are partially to blame… there’s more. This transition to being a first time parent has forced me to evaluate my relationship with control (no such thing, other parents tell me), productivity (nope) and structure (good luck). Let me tell you, it has been quite scary, and emotional AND THE KID IS NOT EVEN HERE YET.
There’s obviously a million things I’m feeling nervous for - but since this little corner of the internet is first and foremost a collection of career musings, I thought I’d share some of my feelings and thoughts on my upcoming parental leave as it pertains to work. The focus of this newsletter isn’t as much about the plethora of kid and parenting anxieties I will be sure to experience in time… There will be time for those kinds of meltdowns down the road, don’t you worry.
So. Career + Leave. This will be the first time I’ve taken extended leave from work since.. well, ever.. and I’m anticipating this whole experience will modify (or y’know outright TRANSMOGRIFY) how I relate to and identify with work.
I feel so embedded in my day-to-day work, that the idea of taking a few months off (which, as you international readers with longer standard parental leave policies know, is not even that long for parental leave!) to focus on something else - feels incredibly significant and frankly, a struggle to conceptualize.
Ironically, it took my mentee at work (also pregnant), coming to me to ask for advice on navigating leave, that forced me to evaluate how I should plan to navigate this period.
Of course, my black and white brain ping-pongs dramatically between extremes:
On one end: “How will I ever take that much time off? Aren’t I VITAL and INTEGRAL to this whole operation?”
On the other end: “What if these months go by so smoothly, this whole operation forgets that they even need me at all?”
Many people in my network (friends and colleagues who are veteran parents, as well as coaches and therapists - bless them all) have assured me that of course, neither of these extremes are reality, providing instead helpful frameworks and reminders that I’ve distilled below as intentions. I hope to refer to these throughout my leave as reminders to myself, and perhaps you, dear readers, may also find them helpful - not only if you are on a parenthood journey, but also in the broader context of interrogating and evaluating your current relationship to work.
I’m aware, these are best laid intentions at best, and I’m sure the combination of an over-active monkey brain (especially when I’m likely be sleep deprived) will cause me to second guess a lot of things while I’m actually on leave.
But, in the calm before the impending baby storm, I’ll attempt to set some strong intentions. And as I emphasized to my mentee -
I’ll be sure to follow up after leave and report back on how this all actually ends up playing out.
(Also, Substack universe, it’s not too late to get even more advice! I would love to hear from those of you that have taken parental leave - what did you find helpful in navigating work thoughts or feelings of obligation while you were off?)
Best Laid Intentions for Parental Leave
It’s better to be consistently unavailable vs. inconsistently available
One of my biggest worries about this time is that I’ll leave colleagues in a tough spot. As a recovering people-pleaser, and as someone who responds to things immediately, and as someone in a role with very broad reach, I worry that my absence will create issues for my reports, for my colleagues and for my managers. I’ve grappled with the right cadence of checking in… but when my mentee asked me the question (and I had the benefit of an objective, third party perspective) - it became crystal clear to me, that everyone (her, her stakeholders, her CHILD) would benefit from the firmest of boundaries, at least to start. If you remove yourself completely from the equation, and others know that you are truly unreachable, it’s actually much easier for them to plan for an alternative. Vs. if you check in or respond sporadically, you are creating an erratic feedback loop for your team, which can lead to more confusion and frustration. Also, if you’re checking in some of the time, you’ll be mentally somewhere else, which is the literal opposite of the next intention.
Be present
I struggle with this already, and I know from many parent friends that this struggle only increases when you have kids, but I’m really going to try my best to be present in the experience of parenthood, without the persistent overlay of email and message notifications. I know there will be many other demands on my attention, and of course, frustrations of a different kind, but as a first time parent (and knowing how quickly time flies by), I really do want to try to soak it all in, even if the days will feel long and occasionally overwhelming.
Let go of how things were
As I go out on leave, I feel incredibly enmeshed in the day-to-day at work, the workflows, the nuances, the people, the whole system of things. I think for many of us, it feels good to feel ‘integral’ and ‘core’, but the other side of that coin - is feeling like it’s very hard to extricate oneself… unless, by grace of a mandated leave, you are forced to. Some things I think I truly am integral to, and some others, I may be “integral” to simply because it’s easiest to come to me first.. leave can be a good chance to reset some of the ‘system of things’, especially those that didn’t make sense in the first place, or that don’t fully serve me. It’s an opportunity to step back, evaluate and then selectively step back in later. So many contexts, dynamics and situations will change by the time I return to work.. it’s probably best that I release any semblance of expectations on my way out.
Try on different types, sizes and forms of help
Right now my life is bifurcated into two: work and life. Soon, it will be bifurcated (tri-furcated) into work, life, and kid-life. I know I’ll need to shift some things in both work and life to make room for the kid-life part, and a big part of that is asking for help, whether its from colleagues, family, or resources like nannies/daycare.
I have an initial hunch about how much help I’ll need, but I’m hoping to try on a few different sizes of help while on leave - full-time help in the first little while, occasional help when my husband goes back to work after his parental leave. Who knows what I’ll need, what will feel helpful, and what I’ll ultimately want to do on my own. Leave will hopefully give me a chance to ask for help in different forms and magnitudes.
Repeat, repeat, repeat
I’m trying my best
Work will be work, will be work.. and still standing when I return
Treasure the time, because it will fly by.. (quick read: “Why Does Time Seem to Pass Faster As We Get Older?” - Earth.com
Here goes nothing!
PS - One more thing! Maybe this is overly ambitious, and of course I’ll need to see how I settle into the new gig (parenthood), but I’m hoping to pursue the next stage of coaching certification over the coming months.
As part of that, I’ll be looking to add 2-3 client engagements, likely starting in April or May. I’d love to hear from you, or referrals from you!
More here:
Or, send me a message to set up a discovery call!
CONGRATULATIONS!!! (both on the baby and on letting go of control). So excited to hear all about this new milestone on the newsletter.