What Happens When Your Excuses Go Away
(Answer: Panic)
Hi all,
SURPRISEā¦..!!!
Iām back in your inboxes with the āTo-Wooā List!
As a refresher, this little ditty is meant to show up in your inbox on occasion with some career insights, musings and inspiration.
When I launched this newsletter back in 2021, this is how I described it:
What is The āTo-Wooā List?
I believe our careers should feel rewarding and enjoyable, and not a just a means to an end. As twist on a monotonous āto-doā list; the āto-wooā list is comprised of things we want to chase and strive for.
Tactically, itās a weekly summary of musings, conversations and advice on career issues big and small that I have come across in my experience, and from my network (professional and personal).
Oh, and Iām the āWooā! Janice Woo, to be precise. Iām a finance professional who has had the pleasure of working at many different jobs, ranging from corporate to startup, in investment banking, capital markets, venture capital and private equity. Iāve given a lot of thought to career changes, and I have had the great fortune of advising leaders, teams and friends on their career challenges.
And, now weāre here in 2024 after a bit of a break.
Welp, Iām still a reformed Type-A finance professional, I still liberally use GIFs (see Archive here), and Iām still energized by conversations around career fulfillment.
But! A few things look different around here:
Iām showing up in your inbox monthly instead of weekly
In addition to posting this newsletter again, Iām continuing to expand my curiosity around career fulfillment in a few different ways:
I recently completed my professional coach training with CTI (the Co-Active Training Institute), more on this at the end of the newsletter
I hired my own coach earlier this year - which largely amplifies the insights, musings and resources Iām able to provide merely on my lonesome
While Iām technically still the āWooā in the āTo-Wooā List, legally, Iām a McIntosh now (shoutout to husband Shane!)
Andā¦ taking both the training + new moniker for a test driveā¦ Iāve launched http://www.janicewoomcintosh.com - more on that at the end of this post!
Musings
Letās get right (back) into it! First things first - WTH? (Why the hiatus?).. after all, I loved writing this newsletter and getting a chance to connect with so many of you on the universal challenges and questions of how we relate to work.
The headline answer is that in 2022, I started a new role at a global alternative asset manager undergoing a period of mega-change and growth. Iām responsible for managing a large team (that has more than doubled since Iāve joined). Itās been demanding and challenging, and also a huge personal growth experience. I suppose I too have been undergoing mega-change and growth!
That headline further breaks down into a number of underlying sub headlines:
āIāve started traveling all the time.ā
āI feel swamped and exhausted most days.ā
āThe new company requires disclosure of outside business activities and other compliance requirements to do anything outside the day job.ā
āI definitely canāt explore coaching or content on the side, Iām in the US on a single employer Visa.ā
All of these circumstances were objectively true statements. AND, being able to claim these things felt.. safe. Being the object of these circumstances provided me some comfort. It kept me in certain identities and paradigms in which I felt safe and known - martyr, worker bee, CANADIAN (lol).
But thenā¦ some of these circumstances started to change.
I got my green card (add that to the ālife updatesā list above).
I was given outside business approval at work to complete my coaching course.
Why donāt I feel this way?
As some of these circumstances fell away, instead of feeling excitedā¦ I instead started to feel an overwhelming sense of panic. This was surprising to me - shouldnāt I be rejoicing in the fact that the list of roadblocks to re-engaging in something that brought me joy was dwindling? I mulled on this feeling for a half-second, before getting swept back into the familiar busyness/travel routine and pushing it out of my head.
BUT THEN. I started to sink into a great book, ā101 Essays That Will Change The Way You Thinkā (Ambitious title, I know), and last week, I read a paragraph that reached out and punched me square in the face:
āThe pattern of unnecessarily creating crises in your life is actually an avoidance technique. It distracts you from actually having to be vulnerable or held accountable for whatever it is youāre afraid of.ā
āUnnecessarily creating crisesā - yep, thatās me stating over and over again how I simultaneously didnāt have any time, and yet responding to emails as soon as I woke up at 6am, kicking off a boomerang effect that (as you all know) lasts all day.
āAvoiding being āVulnerable or held accountableāā - hm. Yes. Also possibly me. Embarking on these side endeavours, and then communicating about it, would mean that at some point I might have to take action on them.. and what if I was bad at them?
I realized the subheadlines above werenāt merely reasons, they were excuses.
(To clarify, Iām not declaring that "not having timeā is an excuse. It can be a legitimate reason. Many people really do not have time. We all face real crises and real challenging circumstances all the time. Many people donāt have time for things they love because they have enormous demands from children, family, dependents, societyā¦ you name it. The definition is highly, highly subjective, and personal. What may be a reason to one person, may be an excuse to someone else. An excuse isnāt necessarily measured by objective justifiability. A lot of the time.. excuses are something only you alone are aware of.)
So, how did I realize ānot having timeā was an excuse for me personally? SEE BELOW GENTLE READERS (Sorry, Iāve just finished Season 3 of Bridgerton, and itās a vibe.)
Conversations
In Co-Active Coaching training, we explore the concepts of resonance vs dissonance.
Something thatās resonant lights you right up, you burn for it (yep. Another Bridgerton reference).
Something thatās dissonantā¦ just doesnāt sit well with you.
The work of coaching aims to move clients closer to resonance in any form, and to explore whether something is resonant or dissonant, coaches often ask clients to assess where itās felt, or embodied.
So, in my example - while many of the āsubheadlinesā were factually true, saying them out loud felt.. SUPER-BLAH. Highly dissonant.
Consider that when evaluating your list around a certain challenge. Where do the items on your list fall, along the spectrum of:
Excuse <ā> Reason <ā> Choice
Excuse: Energy draining. Tentative. Uncomfortable. Maybe feels like a little lie to yourself.*
Reason: Generally factual. Neutral.
Choice: Empowered. Thoughtful. Lit up,
So, in my example:
Excuse: āI canāt focus on coaching. Iām buried under work and my time isnāt my own.ā (I said this a lot, and I felt increasingly blah everytime)
Reason: āI work x hours per weekday, and some weekends, which doesnāt leave a lot of hours to focus on coaching.ā (Neutral)
Choice: āIām choosing to deprioritize coaching right now to get a handle on work, and Iāll reassess down the road once I have my feet under me.ā (Same fact, but considerably less blah. I have agency, which in turn feels empowering)
(*On the topic of how excuses feel like a little lie to yourself, I invite you to go back to this newsletter I wrote on confidence - basically the opposite - keeping promises to yourself!)
In future newsletters we can explore where excuses often come from (doubt, shame, guiltā¦ your worst inner critic) to help us manage and overcome them.. but for now - notice that in the list above, nothing factually is different between the reason, excuse or choice. Itās a lot more about perspective than anything else. For now, weāre not beating ourselves up about excuses and how to banish them to be more productive, weāre simply noticing how they can make us feel.
SO. Some questions to leave you with:
What āsubheadlinesā are currently leaving you feeling disempowered and stuck?
What perspective shift would move you one tiny step closer to being Bridgerton-level burned up?
And, if youāre up for it - is there a small change (in action or perspective) that could unstick you a tiny bit?
For me in my example, itās making the empowered choice to restart the newsletter again after some initial time to get my feet under me at work. Itās also the empowered choice to move my commitment from weekly to monthly posting. This was in response to a great suggestion from my own coach who detected and named my excuse making right away. Some excuses are easily detectable by people who are attuned to it, and it can be easier to hear othersā excuses than the ones we tell ourselves!
All that to sayā¦
Resources
Excuses arenāt great for your brain (duh, feeling SUPER-BLAH is no oneās first choice): Excuses and How the Impact Your Mental Health
Linking that book again (but prepare for some gut punches): ā101 Essays to Change the Way You Thinkā by Brianna Wiest, also please check out her book āThe Pivot Yearāā¦ daily mind explosions
If in fact, you do want some no-nonsense motivational work to shake you out of your excuses, this is probably your guy
If this newsletterĀ no longer resonates with you in the way that it used to, feel free to unsubscribe.
If youāre continuing to finding value in this, please feel free to shareā¦
ā¦ AND/ORā¦
Work with Me
Explore working with me in a coaching capacity (!!!) I have room for a handful of client engagements in the summer and fall. Learn more about me on my aforementioned website, connect with me for an initial consultation/sample session, or message me below.