You Are... Here?

Hi all, and happy start to the summer(ish) season!

I’ll start off this month’s newsletter with a disclaimer/reflection: I haven’t had it in me this month to write a longer form post. I’m publishing something to keep a promise to myself (one newsletter per month!), but for a few reasons, it’s felt challenging to write:

• My focus and attention have been fragmented because I’ve taken on more coaching clients and officially started a coaching certification program. On the new motherhood front, when babies hit the 3 month mark (like mine is about to), they get wildly more engaged and alert… which equates to shorter naptimes (my usual writing windows), and demands to be held at a specific angle for hours at a time otherwise they will scream bloody murder. This is not conducive to reflection, creative work or even basic things like going to the bathroom or showering 🫠.

• I’m 3/4 of the way through maternity leave, and I honestly feel a bit unmoored as I navigate the gray area area between work and family. I’m no longer in the deep trenches of postpartum and newborn navigation, so I feel less like I’m completely drowning in baby things, but it still takes up a LOT of brain space. Coaching keeps me tethered to thinking about work, but I’m not experiencing work things on a firsthand basis so it feels a bit distant. At the beginning of maternity leave, it all felt like survival mode - simply putting one foot in front of another and focusing 100% on baby. At this point, I’m starting to think about return to work, what that might look like with a whole new set of responsibilities at home.

• Up until now, I’ve been operating in super short term sprints - trying to make it to the next feeding or nap time. It’s felt hard to think about anything long-range, which makes things like thinking about work, coaching and this newsletter feel unfamiliar and daunting.

Essentially, I’m resurfacing from the baby bubble, starting to think about many different things all at once and none too deeply, and I’m struggling to find my footing a bit in this period of limbo. In the middle of the night when I’m hanging out with baby, and my sleep deprivation and anxiety take over, and my mind shouts into the abyss, “WHO EVEN AM I ANYMORE?” “WHAT’S NEXT FOR ME?”

I’m clearly feeling a little bit lost.

My overactive brain is asking myself the same thing, but much less politely

I liken this feeling of wandering around without a clear sense of direction, with my mind torn in many different directions, to being at a shopping mall, looking desperately for one those mall directory maps.

Like this:

Or, West Edmonton Mall, for the Canadian readers. Fun fact, did you know both the Mall of America and West Edmonton Mall are owned and managed by the a real estate conglomerate, the Triple Five Group, a Canadian company? What I’m saying is.. the Mall of America is… Canadian.

I want a giant marker plonked in the middle of the map telling me where I am so that I can navigate to where I’m going next. Unfortunately navigating life (much like navigating a giant mall) isn’t clear-cut and linear. I could choose to run an errand at Target first (a smart responsible choice), or I could choose to indulge and get a Cinnabon first (an indulgent and enjoyable choice). Ok, the mall analogy is starting to fall apart here, but hopefully you get what I’m saying: I want a map, but I also know that a map isn’t going to lay out clearly what’s next for me.

I know I’m not alone in feeling a bit lost. This is something I work on frequently with my coaching clients: clarifying their identity, their values, and their vision in hopes of determining next steps that feel authentic and resonant, especially in periods of transition. One of the first things we focus on when aren’t fully sure where we’re going next, is taking inventory of where we’ve been. When we can’t see clearly what’s in front of us, we feel overwhelmed and forget to look behind us, reviewing the path that we’ve been on up until now, and the accomplishments and experiences we have under our belt.

The question is meant to spark more joy than this guy is experiencing.

This newsletter (like its author), is also undergoing a concurrent identity crisis of its own. Because I’m pulled in a few different directions, I’m finding it hard to write something focused and inspired. The last few newsletters have skewed heavily towards parenting themes (actually, mothering themes, in particular), with some career things woven in… which might not be for everyone that originally subscribed looking for career anecdotes and guidance.

Is this a career focused newsletter? A parenthood newsletter?

Not the way my black and white anxiety brain works, buddy. But you’re right, it will probably land somewhere in between the two topics!

So, as I and the To-Woo List find our footing, I thought I’d take a dose of my own coaching and reflect on where the newsletter (and I) have been, and share some previous posts - posts that have specifically focused on refining one’s identity and direction.

Examining past reflections that examine past reflections… very Meta. Also, watching this gif too much makes me nauseous and that isn’t even a Nickelback dig.

A trip into the archives!

All I Want For My Birthday

A post on comparing oneself to others and standing firm in ones choices. It’s hardest to forge our own paths when we are constantly comparing to others’ aka a moving target. The post touches on when to compare (small, tactical things that can lead to skill improvement), and when not to (large, existential things that are largely out of our control).

… if we shift perspectives slightly, comparison can actually be a positive. It’s a signal that we (may) want to strive for a certain path or title, or that we’re focused on a a parameter where we feel we (may) want improvement. Comparing ourselves to those that are achieving something we believe we want (“upward” comparison) can in some cases provide inspiration, to show us paths that are possible… as long as we don’t accompany it with self-judgement that we’re not there yet.

---

Fake it til you make it?

I mentioned at the beginning of this post that publishing something this month was important, even I felt lost, because in doing so, I’m keeping a promise to myself. Turns out, confidence is built that way! When you don’t know where to focus next, building confidence intrinsically is super helpful. This post dives into how we actually do that.

Confidence is:

1. Ignited by the belief that it’s possible you’ll end up where you want to be

2. Built by repeatedly keeping promises to ourselves

3. Reinforced over time with ownership and accountability

---

I Want to Be [ x ] When I Grow Up

This newsletter focuses on figuring out where to go next in our careers, and honing in on the foundation of who we are in the heart of it. I discuss taking inventory of our past career roles and especially : what jobs we wanted when we were little and unaware of the practicalities of the real world, in order to identify our core values and preferences. Plenty of examples from those in my network included!

I started thinking about what made these jobs appealing as a kid, and what makes these jobs appealing still - and it made me realize that part of the reason I feel content in my career nowadays, is because it taps into some of these intrinsic, childlike interests and values I had even as a kid

---

And, I would love if you could help provide some perspective to help shape the direction of the newsletter!

What’s on your mind, careerwise? Life wise? What would be a helpful topic to focus on in future editions?